Brandon

well it's 10:46 and i'm sitting here listening to wenslow because well...i'm awesome like that. and damnit. my vent in the floor is blowing hot air on my feet. it was blowing cool air a minute ago and it felt good. oh well....wait...wait...wait. cool air now...now it died. shit.

i got rugby gear yesterday. so excited about it. and now to find that i don't have to use shinguards. well not that i don't have to...we aren't really supose to. i feel like an idiot for having greg get a pair now. better safe than sorry anyway. i got some compression shorts also with a cup. i swear having a cup makes me look like i'm bunching a 24 inch penis into a ball. a cup looks so weird. i don't think i'll use it. so whatever.

i have a headache of confusion and i don't know what to do. seriously it's like a terrible migrane. it sucks.

thursrday was my last art club. rugby practices are mondays and thursday from what i understand. i work myself hard enough throughout the week in weight lifting anyway. now we have some free weights at home. i did about 250 wrist rolls today....for each arm. yeah that's about 500. wrist rolls are really quick. and get your forearms hard as rocks. which i'm doing. i swear weight lifting is so fun. i've been thinking about majoring in some kind of kineseology (study of muscles and bones, which is what my uncle did). then my uncle was a trainer/manager at the rush. i think being a body builder or weight lifter would be awesome. keep myself in shape. or be a professional rugby player or something. i just want to get out of knoxville. maybe go to MTSU.

well i'm going to go chill now. maybe read or something. later.

living in tennessee opens my eyes to the amount of true pure trash that we have living here...not only that, but the amount of immature people there are...everywhere. i suppose this is why i choose my friends so wisely, and keep them in small numbers actually. my first period this semester is weight lifting. the reason i love it so much is because weight lifting is a junior and senior only class. my stepdad has good connections though and he got me in there to help me with rugby this season. well the major reason i love that class is because the majority of juniors and seniors are not immature. last semester, i had wellness 3rd period. we had to dress out with coach D's freshman gym class. it opened my eyes to see how immature, loud, and obnoxious they were in there compared to my first period class...who are practically silent in the locker room and during class. this is probably why i only hang around juniors and seniors. some juniors and seniors aren't even at a 11 year old's maturity level, which is pretty sad. i just really hate putting up with the immaturity of people in this world...and pure trash. i don't mean a little bit of an accent or something. i mean pure trashy people. i'm so sick of it. yes i do have a select amount of friends. those of you that i talk to you, this does not refer to you. if this does offend someone, let me know.

enough about my rant. i got my grades back today. i came home from my dad's and greg said "i need you to explain something to me." immidiately i was fretting about "oh my god what did i do?" then he said "i want you to explain to me how you did so amazingly well on your grades." i looked at my report card to see that i had a 3.5 gpa average. i was fretting of making roughly a 50 or 60 on my chemistry EOC....i made a 96! so i got an 86 average in there. i made a 101 on my algebra gateway, and a 100 on the algebra EOC. so i pretty much kicked that semester's ass.

rugby...i hope i seriously do well this season. i know this is my first year. everyone says that they suck their first year...so i probably will. but i am seriously pumped up about it. i can't run very fast...or very far. i can run a mile roughly. running a mile sucks. but if i really work my legs in first period this year...then i'll be really good and be really fast. i want to be in better shape all around. james told me that they had the vets. get-together today at mr. gatti's. he said that all the vets are pumped about this season now. man i have a good feeling about this year. speaking of james...what a freaking awesome guy. he befriended me through myspace and at practice. he is an awesome guy...and he sucks. not really...just a metaphor. he gets to go to the world cup in europe and see new zealand play...that lucky lucky bastard. i want to go so bad

relationships...i kind of just want to give up on them. well, not give up, but more or less rather...just not pursue. if a relationship is thrown at me, i don't know what i would do. i might do something about it. but i have had nothing thrown at me or anything. i just wish i could go back to the way it use to be. back when i was happy. back when i was with someone who cared. back when i could just talk to that special someone and not worry about anything, just them. just be concerned if they are alright, if they need anything. just be there for them whenever they need. i love...being loved. and i love to love. i love the feeling you get when you are with that special someone and you can just feel like you can hold them and everything will be alright. i want my wait to be over. i want someone. and not just anyone. i'm not talking about someone impaticular. i'm just talking about someone who will love and care for me the same that i would for them. i don't want to give 110% in a relationship and get 10% back. that has happened before...and it hurt. but i got past that and fuck her. it was along time ago. i want to be happy and want to make someone else happy.

i sound like the worst and biggest emo kid right now...but i really don't care. because i'm not. ok yeah i'm going to go play guitar...someone IM me. Sxebc is my screen name. www.myspace.com/xonenightatthemoshpitx is my myspace...yeah add me kids. later.

merry christmas guys. well it's almost noon. i got a sweet guitar case to carry my guitar in so it won't get fucked up now. i got some new sleep pants. i got a sweet pair of headphones for my amp so my parents won't have to listen to me playing it at night. so i can turn it up as loud as i want and deafen myself instead of waking my parents up. lets see, i got a new flannel shirt, i got my zen micro. damn thing is 5 GB, has a SWEET blue neon light around the edge and the buttons are blue neon. the backlight is this sweet whitish glow. it is fuckgin awesome. it's so awesome...and so small. way better than i imagined. i also got a 20'' flat screen tv. damn this thing is so freaking sweet. i'm probably going to watch a movie when i done with this. i'm still going to my dad's later today at around 4. and staying until 7. damn this christmas freaking owns. 6 new shirts, 2 pairs of shoes, about 200 dollars, mp3 player, flatscreen tv, flannel shirt, rugby ball, new headphones, more guitar picks, and my mom bought this sweet back of like trail mix for me and put it in my stocking. it owns. damn this mp3 player gets LOUD. i mean seriously. listening to the song Alaska on it is PURE CHAOS. well i'm going to go watch a movie now. gosh this christmas is ownage.

oh by the way....i couldn't be happier for anna. i hope she got everything she wanted for christmas...and more (you know what i'm talking about anna). i'm so glad to see you happy. you know i love you sooooo freaking much and you know i care about you. hope you have a great christmas girl. much <3 to you.

christmas eve. couldn't be better. well maybe it could. but today was great. woke up and my mom cooked a kick ass breakfast. just hung out all day and did nothing. just sat on the couch and read. went to my stepdad's parent's house to open presents. we ate our lunch and watched football. then opened presents. i got 65 dollars, 2 between the buried and me shirts, and a bury your dead shirt. then came home and my mom loves to stick with her tradition. she wanted to open 1 present. and she got me one. well she got me a brand new rugby ball. it was awesome. it looked a bit small so i just had to pump more air in it. well i was up in my room tossing it around and looked it up online. and i figured out why it was a bit small. the rugby balls we use are size 5's, i got a size 4. but no doubt it is awesome!!! i love it. with the exception that it busted. the ball itself didn't bust. the leather ripped apart. i guess i put more air in it than i was supose to. and rugby balls aren't usually used with leather. they are used with all season/all weather rubber. but it is like memorabilia now. it's awesome i seriously love the fact that i got one. i also got a it dies today shirt, new showdown shirt with a viking on it (that is amazing), throwdown shirt, and some new black/white slip on vans.

tomorow is going to be awesome. i'm looking forward to it. a bunch of new stuff. probably going to order a bunch of stuff offline. well not a bunch of stuff. but i have something in mind that i would like. i am getting a zen micro for christmas. and i would like a portable dock for it. it would be awesome to have a portable dock for my zen micro that i could just hook up like a portable stereo to hook up to my mp3 player. gosh i'm seriously so pumped for christmas. it kind of sucks though because christmas time, you get to spend time with someone you love and exchange gifts, sit cuddled up by fires, and be with someone you love. sucks i don't have that. but it would be awesome if i did.

heck yes!!! best movie ever!!! i'm watching A Christmas Story. i watch it every year. i watched it 7 times last year. omfg i love this movie. best classic christmas movie EVER.

well i guess i'll post what i get and what happens tomorow. until then, anyone that wants to add me on myspace, or IM me. then go to my links that i have over there. peace out guys.

at the moment i'm probably the sickest person on this earth...not really. but i do feel really really really bad. yesterday morning i started to feel kind of sick. and i ate a banana, about 6 saltines, and like 1/4 of an apple. my stomach really hurt but i still went to rugby practice anyway. well rugby was done and i was about to pass out because i was so exhausted. well greg came to pick me up and i had no water and i was about to die from thirst. so i took a sip of water. then right before we got to kingston pike...i threw up all over the inside of greg's truck. i felt so bad for it. luckily i had a muscle shirt and shorts on underneath my hoody and sweatpants. so i threw those in the back of greg's truck. so we went home and i was feeling ok. i was really sore from rugby though. so then i went to lay down. and you know when you feel sick you get a fever, get really sore, feel like ABSOLUTE shit. well i drank a big bottle of gatorade and a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup. well i couldn't hold that down and got sick like 8 times. so i went to bed and layed there for like 18 hours. and here i am now. i feel like shit still. not too bad though. i haven't gotten sick since last night and i ate a banana and had a small glass of juice.

but the reason i'm not too worried about all this is because i have the most amazing girlfriend. yes it is official, i asked out kalyn last night. and of course she said yes. and i am so unbelievably happy. i just wanted to go to school today to see her. she said she got in a fight with matt d who was pretty much her best friend and she said she said now that her and matt got in a fight, she has no reason to go to school except to see me. i'm so happy with her. you guys really have no idea how happy i am. well i'm going to go rest now. later.

holy freaking shit. isn't it just great when everything goes wrong...and something amazing comes from it? well that's what happened to me. let down so many times in relationships. tyler never came over yesterday and i didn't go to my dad's. my dad had a busted water line at his house so no water and i just said i was going to stay home. well since tyler didn't come over and never called me...there was nothing for me to do. then at 11:41 kalyn IMed me. i had met kalyn before at school. we just never really talked. well she added me on myspace and she IMed me on friday night and we were talking on there. it was awesome talking to her. we could talk about anything at all for hours. which we did. then last night we were talking for a good 3 hours or so....then i flat out asked her "is it just me or have we both been majorly flirting?" she said she was blushing and said "i don't know about you but i have been." of course i told her yes. and we just kind of took off with stuff from there. we aren't dating or anything but she is amazing. holy crap waiting sure does pay off. i really can't wait to go to school tomorow now. i'm still really hyper. i only slept like 3 hours because i couldn't stop thinking about her. i know you all get tired of hearing me say how lonely i am. well i'm not lonely anymore. i'm soooooo happy. i can't stop saying how freaking amazing she is...this is insane. and this isn't like how leah was either. leah was so shy and always blew me off, but this is different. this is an amazing feeling. i love feeling this way. i love talking to her. well i'm going to go work out now before rugby practice and get my metabolism up...holy freaking shit i'm so happy. thank you so much kalyn...you are AMAZING.

ok well this really sucks. i wanted to hang out with tyler today. he was going to come over at 4. well i last talked to him at 1. and he was going to call me before he left to come over...and he never called me. i'm not going to just make assumptions and say that he blew me off or something. because i really don't know. but it just sucks that i haven't heard from him at all. i really wanted to hang out with him and play guitar with him. i'll update when i find out what happened...not like anyone cares.

holy shit it's burning up in my room right now. wow there is really nothing to do right now. nothing on tv, no one to talk to, and i can't get anything good on my guitar. everything i'm writing sucks at the moment.

like i said in the last post...friends are really hard to come by.

rugby is so awesome. it is officially my favorite sport to play. and i'm really working myself to the bone getting myself into shape for it. i'm working out every day for about an hour or so. i had to cut all sodas from my diet completely. fill myself up in the morning with a decent sized breakfast. eat light at other meals. rugby practice is tomorow and i can't wait for it. i'm going to be so sore on monday.

finals...wow...umm...finals are coming this wednesday and thursday. i'm not too badly worried about them. i'm just really worried about my chemistry exam. i hope that there is something out there that will help me. i'm so afraid i'm going to do bad on it. i'm doing really well in all my other classes. i've worked my ass off to achieve a B average in chemistry. because for those of you that have no taken it, it is a bitch. and i hope i do really well on it. it's 15% of my grade. but ms. white explained to me how they average a grade like that. if i had an 85 in chemistry and made like a 100 on it, it would only bring my grade up by like 2.5 points or something. so that means if i failed it it would probably cost me my grade. i have no idea how well i'm going to do. everyone just PLEASE pray to help me on my chemistry test.

i say this every post and i will say it...again. i really want a girlfriend and i want a great relationship with someone i can just be happy with. it sucks being lonely.

well i'm gonna go. later guys.

So it's Friday night. I stayed home today because i found out yesterday at the doctor that I have an ear infection in my right ear and a full blown sinus infection. Also it doesn't help that my mom gave me ammoxicillin on wednesday night. Ammoxicillin is another form of penicillin...which I am allergic to so yesterday i broke out in a bad rash during school and didn't find out why until i got home. I hate staying home during school days because there is nothing to do. All I did was read basically. I looked up alot of reviews on Goblet of Fire because I am like I said...a Harry Potter nerd. Well I have found out that J.K. Rowling liked it, so it can't be that bad. I also have found out numerous things that they have left out and I'm already getting disappointed. Although I understand they wanted to keep stuff out to keep the movie at 2.5 hours. I know I will love the movie anyway no matter what.

My grandparents got here today. Nothing really big or exciting about it. Just means I get to have Thanksgiving with them tomorow. Also they are taking us Christmas shopping this weekend since they won't be down in Knoxville for Christmas. I'm probably just going to get a fair amount of money. I am getting a Creative Labs Zen Micro mp3 player, new cable box in my room, hopefully a new tv, and alot of money for a half stack. If i could get any combination half stack I would get a Marshall cab, and a 6505 Peavey head, they are amazing. I'll probably end up getting a Line 6 Spider II cab, and a really nice Crate head piece. I know I won't get the money for it all this Christmas. I'll probably buy the head piece for Christmas and get the cab for my birthday (April 6). I'll probably spend some of my Christmas money on clothes and new shoes. You all really don't care about this at all though.

I know I usually go on about how I like Emily, which I do, but I really don't see it going anywhere. She is happy with Matt and I am just going to let it go and move on. That's why I like Michelle. I have liked her for a couple of weeks. I just never said anything. I probably don't have a chance at all though. It's just the way things work out for me. I have a tough time with relationships. All of you know that. I want a good relationship.

Maylene and the Sons of Disaster make me happy. That's why I'm listening to them right now. If anyone actually wants to talk to me, my screen name is Selkies Marathon. Until then, I'm going to go. Later.

Well haven't updated in a while. Today started No-Shave November. I don't know if I'm going to do it or not...kind of stupid if you ask me. I'm doing pretty well in school. Good grades in all my classes as far as I know. I don't know about art though. I don't know what the hell to do in there...it's so unbelievably boring.

Friday- I was at the game against Central. It wasn't all what i was excited about. I was figuring it was going to be a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in about a year or so that were excited to see me...but I was wrong. Just a bunch of Central people that I didn't know and the ones I did know...most didn't talk to me. I was hanging out with Boomer, Brenton, Hannah, Allen, Zack, Chelsea, and Kelsey...and I hated doing it but I didn't want to hang out with them. Boomer you are probably going to read this and yeah...it was embarassing. That's why I've realized why I always hang out with Juniors and Seniors...it's because alot of my friends that I use to hang out with all the time haven't grown up and matured. I'm alot better than how I use to be. They were all yelling at each other and cussing and stuff at the game on Friday. They are my friends but come on...that is embarassing to me. That's why i went and sat with Haley and Anna. And I thought they were acting fine. Kind of sad when you ditch your sophmore friends for freshman friends because they are acting more mature. Well anyway they are my friends but i couldn't handle it. So I was sitting down there talking to Haley and Anna which are like 2 of my 5 best friends. (Eliu, Mary, Adam, Haley, and Anna if you must know). I have many acquaintances. Few great friends. Well anyway I sat down there with Eliu also, Haley, and Anna....you guys are awesome. We need to hang out more anyway. Love you guys.

Saturday- Anyway saturday night I went with Adam, Sam, and Eliu to the corn maze. It was awesome. We went and payed for our tickets and the haunted one wasn't open yet so we decided to go on the other one. It was awesome because we said screw the map and basically got threw there in about 7 minutes (3.3 miles). We didn't walk the whole thing though. So we were waiting in line to get into the haunted one and me and Adam decide to start hardcore moshing/dancing next to the line...random I know. Well then these 7th graders walk up wearing South Pole wigger shit...and we were making fun of them for listening to Limp Bizkit on their cd players...such losers. Well after that we went in the maze and didn't really get scared...idk why. But after that we decided to go to CiCi's pizza and eat alot. So we ate like 10 pieces of pizza each along with some pasta for 4 bucks. Is that a deal or what? Well on the way back to Adam's, Kyle calls and wants us to go to his house...so we did. And Kyle was skateboarding at his house and said we should go put logs in the middle of the road so cars can run over them and almost wreck...so we ditched Kyle for being a dumbass and wanting to do something that stupid...and for showing us the porn on his PSP. We took Eliu home, then went back to Adam's house to play music. Then me and Adam fell asleep in his basement watching Lords of Dogtown...good movie though.

Sunday- Woke up early and ate pancakes at Adam's. Then we went and picked up Kyle's dumbass and we went to church. Fellowship I must say is too much for me to handle. We were there for like 5 hours. Anyway it was cool because afterwords we went to these peoples house for free Buddy's BarBQ. Their house was like 4000 sq. feet too...it was insane. Then took Kyle home and went back and jammed some more. Then I basically went home and did nothing.

Monday- Not much happened until around 6. Eliu came over and we walked around my neighborhood and got candy. There were alot of people that told us we were too old but who cares, it was fun. We didn't dress up either...I didn't eat my candy because I don't eat it much.

Today- Today was boring and nothing interesting at all happened. I don't know why I put every day down like I just did...wow I'm a loser. Well actually I found something out that someone likes me...but I just really want a happy relationship...idk what I'm going to do.

Ok really not much else to say...just going to sit here and get tired and drink water by the gallons I guess. That and listen to Maylene and The Sons of Disaster. Sorry for the shit that happened Friday night...but like I said I couldn't take it. Haley and Anna it's so fun hanging out with you guys...you are awesome. Take it easy everyone.

Well I don't update much. I update quite often on my xanga...but idk why I just don't copy and paste it and paste the entry on here. It's a whole lot easier. Well I hope I'm not failing Chemistry. It's the one class that I worry about and the one I need the most...yet it's the one I'm doing the worst in. It sucks. I'm kinda torn up about Emily also. It sucks that the one person i have really strong feelings for has a b/f. She use to be practically in love with me back in 8th grade and I was just her friend and told her I didn't like her that way. I guess it's my turn to feel that way. Idk. I try not to worry about it. Well anyway if you really wanna know more about it...just IM me.

Fucking A....dinner for me tonight sucked. Let's go back to tomorow for lunch. I had pizza for lunch at school. Last night I had homemade pizza for dinner which was great by the way. Then today at lunch I had pizza for lunch. So my mom wasn't home so me and my stepdad had to find some dinner ourselves. So all the pizza was gone...I'm having a damn pizza party tomorow in Wellness. So for dinner i decided to have a grilled chicken salad which my stepdad was eating one. So we are out of chicken...so I made a salad anyway....out of damn croutons and honey mustard. Out of fucking everything. You all probably don't care at all about that. Thought I would throw that in because it was on my mind.

So I'm gonna go listen to He Is Legend and fill out this fucking survey thing which it so fucking long and talk to Stephanie. Peace out bitches.


The Ultimate Survey Version 1.

I. About you

Time started this:: 9:04
Name:: brandon
Age: 15
Gender:: male
Birthdate:: 04-6-90
Birthplace:: knoxville tn
Ethnicity:: german, scotch-irish, and cherokee
Current Location:: Knoxville Tennessee
Status:: idk how to answer that, student i guess
Height:: 5'8''
Weight:: 190...im a fat kid
Body type:: average height but kinda fat
Eye Color:: blue/grey
Hair color:: brown/dirty blonde
Hair length:: about to my eyebrows
Skin(type/color): white.
Sexual Preference:: women
Members in your family:: 4
Are your parents married/divorced/separated?: divorced and both remarried
Are you a citizen of your country?: yes
What is the religion you practice?: christian
Pant size:: 36x30
Shoe size:: 10 1/2
Shirt size:: medium or large
Zodiac sign:: taurus
Chinese Zodiac sign:: like a bull i think
Blood Type:: idk
Do you exercise frequently?: i try to
If youre a girl, what is your bra size?: im a male
Your Measurements:: fuck if i know
What is your cellphone number?: 406-9451
Where do you work?: i work at the camp store with my stepdad (he runs the boy scout camp)
Do you drive? what kind of car?: no car but yes i drive

II. This and That about you

Righty/left/either?: Right
Sense of Style:: hardcore or w/e i pick out of my dressar really
Innie/Outtie?: innie
Weird or Unique talents?: none really
Flexible?: no
Hobbies?: music, music, music...did i mention music
Are you anatomically complete?: idk
Are you territorial?: depends on what you mean
Flirty? Smart? Unique? Trusting?: all of tha above
Can you roll your tongue?: hellno

III. School

What level of education are you in?: high school
What is your school name?: West High
Colors/mascot:: Red and Blue, Rebels
If in college, what are you majoring in? Minoring?: i would like to be an architect
What was your highschool? Mascot:: Rebel
GPA:: like 3.8 or something high like that
Are you going to prom/ or have been?: yeah
Favorite school subject:: the time before school starts to hang out with friends
lease fave:: chemistry
Fave school pasttime:: hanging out at the football games and having fun
Clubs/Activities/Sports:: rugby
Graduating Class:: 08
Public school/Private?: public
Where do you see yourself 5 years from now, academically?: i'll be in college

IV. Right now/At this very moment

How are you feeling?: lonely
What color are your nails?: regular
Are you sick?: a bit
Hair up/down?: down
Color of your socks: white
Shirt:: redwinterdying
Pants:: jeans
Underwear/bra:: fruit of the loom boxers
Makeup on?: no
Full stomach or Empty?: full
What should you be doing right now, anyways?: talking to my g/f if i had one....or playing guitar if my chord hadnt snapped
What kind of cellphone service are you using?: sprint
Are you a virgin right now?: yea
Do you have anypets? How many?: a chihuahua named lucy and a tabby named muffin....i feel bad for her being named that
Are you in love, right now?: no...just strong feelings

V. Favorites

Color: black and grey
Food: probably japanese food from miyabi or hibachi
Drink: water
Candy: m & m's...simple
Flavor: cookies and cream
Movie: orange county
Show: family guy
Game: gta
Music type:: death metal/hardcore metal/melodic metal/metalcore
Actor/Actress: don't care
Month: november
Shampoo/Conditioner: w/e gets me clean
Number: 94
Phrase: what the fuck
Word: fuck
Magazine: guitar world
Restaurant: miyabi
Animal: cats are awesome
Language: English
Girls name: idc
Boys Name: idc
Flower: rose
Thing to get at starbucks: a regular coffee...what else...probably french vanilla
Holiday: x-mas
Book: harry potter
Brand Name: dont really care
Clothing store: kohl's probably
Article of clothing: jacket
Shoes: my vans
Makeup: dont care
Fruit: apple
Person: dont have one

VI. Friends

Are you a good friend?: I hope so
Do you have good friends? How many?: very few.
Your best friend:: tyler, emily, mary, adam, eliu, seth, jeffrey, zack, and boomer
Do you have alot of friends?: alot of aquantainces
Has anyone told you, you were a goodfriend/badfriend?: yeah
Do you talk alot?: not really
Are you nervous when people talk to you?: no
Funniest Friend:: eliu
Craziest friend:: zack
Flirtiest Friend:: emily
Most Secretive:: jeffrey
Hottest friend:: sarah
Nicest:: mary
Meanest:: lol boomer
Smartest:: ian and boomer
Dumbest:: tyler
Most unique:: tyler
Do you have alot of friends or close small group of friends?: small group

VII. Love

What is love to you?: a really strong emotion that can take over everything you do and is the worst or best thing ever
Are you in love? With who?: not really
Do you believe in love at first sight?: no
Would you love someone of a different religion?: of course
Political standing?: yeah
Race?: depends
Of the same gender?: no
Friends?: yeah
Do you have a crush? Who?: emily

VIII. For or against

Democratic views?: idc
Republican views?: idc
Racism: against
Death Penalty: against
Abortion: against
Rules/Regulations: for
Gay marriage: idc
underage Smoking or smoking in general: against
Gambling: for
Marijuana: against
Drunk Driving: against
Illegal immigrants: against.
Premarital sex?: idk
Prostitution: against
Religion in Gov: against
Downloading Music: for
Wellfare: against
Long distant relationships: for
Blind dates: for
arranged marriages: against

IX. This or That

Big/small: big
Cat/dog: both
Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla
Sunset/Sunrise: Sunset
Rainy/Sunny: sunny
Starbucks/Jamba Juice: Starbucks
Pepsi/Coke: Coke
Smoke/Alcohol: neither
Pulp/None: none
Black/White: both together.
Sun/Moon: sun
Night/Day: night
Fall/Winter: fall
Spring/Summer: spring
Scary/Comedy: scary
Work/School: work
Hugs/Kisses: both
Fruits/Vegatables: fruits
Salty/Sweet: sweet
Love/hate: love
Extremely Early/Extremely Late: extremely early
Fireworks/Glowsticks: fireworks
Urban/Suburban: suburban, i guess
City Life/ Rural Life: rural
books/magazine: both
silence/noise: a bit of noise
staying home/going out: going out
Large Parties/Small get togethers: small get togthers
Liberal/Conservative: idc

XI. In the opposite sex..Preferred:

Height:: shorter than me
Weight:: usually thin
Ethnicty:: doesn't matter really
Eye color/Hair color: doesn't matter on either
Looks before personality?: no
Different from you?: doesn't matter
Smoker/Drinker/drug abuser?: none preferably

Numerical Answers(how many)

times You've been in love?: 1
Bf/Gfs youve had?: 4
Scars on your body?: plenty, none self inflicted
Moles?: idk
Have you had sex?: no
Arrested?: no
Suspended?: no
in detention?: 0
Piercings/tatooes?: had my left ear pierced...not anymore
Been kissed today: no
Been hugged today: a few
been drunk: none
High?: once...it was terribly
Clubbing: no
Been emotionally or physcially hurt/abused:: yeah
times youve gotten into a car accident: once i think
Pregnant: none
kids do you have: none
Purses you own (if youre a girl): none
pairs of shoes: about 3
pants: 4 i think
underwear: about 20
times youve danced inthe rain: when i was little alot
secret admirers do you have?: probably NONE
Thought about suicide?: thought about it but never acted upon it...i hated to think about it

Last thing/time/person

Person you called: stephanie
Who called you: emily
hugged: kelsey
Kissed: melissa
had sex with: no one
said I love you to: i dont remember
Thing you said: this fucking survey sucks
thing you ate: my salad
thing you drank: water
did?: got online
time you exercised: today
thing someone got you: my stepdad gave me 200 bucks
got angry at: marcus
song you heard: i am hollywood - he is legend
movie youve seen/watched: can't hardly wait
last thing you said outloud: this survey fucking sucks
thought: singing along to the human abstract
been arrested: ive been asked this already
been to church: twice a week
got drunk: never
stoned: a year and a half ago
person you spoke with: my stepdad
chatted online with: tyler
bought a gift for: emily i think
place you went: school
person you liked: emily
loved: melissa
hated: marcus
last embarrassing moment: when a glowstick busted in my eye this past weekend...worst pain ive ever felt
Happiest moment: when i was with my g/f
went to the beach: this past summer...zack better be ready to go with me next summer
last thing youve done something crazy: i dont remember

Have you ever

Skinny dipped: no
Sky dived: no
Bundgee Jumped: no
Been to disneyland/Disneyworld: yea
Stung by a bee: yea
Played stripped poker: no
Been drunk: no
Skiied: no
Been out of state/country. Where?: yea
Been on a plane/train/hotairballoon: yea no no
Danced in the rain: yea
stayed up all night: yea
Ridden a rollercoaster..where?: hell yea six flags
Met someone online?: yea
Blind dated?: no
Been stood up?: no
Stood someone up?: yea
to a Wedding? How many times?: yea, 4 i think
Been married?: no
Divorced? Widowed?: no
Been abused?: mentally yes
Raped?: no
Time ended:: 9:41

ok maybe i should update...not like anyone reads this anyway. im hanging out with zack here listening to black dahlia murder and watching zack play ps2. i figured i needed to update and get some things off my mind which have...obviously been on my mind. im glad zack is over here because we usually dont get to hang out that much anymore. but im glad i get to stay in touch with him because he is my best friend...and he gets to go to panama city with me next year finally. looking forward to that.

didnt get to go to the game last night. i was able to...i just didnt. idk i guess it was because sadly enough...i was too depressed. yes i know i sound like a fucking emo kid, but there are times when you just need to be depressed i guess. but to tell you the truth...ive done my research. if you want to make fun of me for being depressed all the time...go right ahead. but depression is a form of mental illness. no im not crazy and im not retarded or anything...but i hate when people make fun of me for it because i cant help it. my dad has put me down alot during the past 2 years. when your dad kicks you out of the house and says "you're being a bad son, you care too much about yourself, make fun of me, are an embarassment to me, are lazy, careless, dependent on everyone else, and cant do anything right because im a teenager." then his last words to me were "i'll throw you down the fucking stairs next time you do that" and "get out of my face." that will bring you down and make you depressed. along with all that on my shoulders....he talks to my stepdad about how i'm useless and worthless in the sense that i will go back to the way i use to and not help with anything, be lazy, and not caring, and just giving up on my schoolwork. news flash asshole...i made honor roll to throw it in your face because you said i couldnt do it. well i did it...now suck my dick for saying i couldnt do it.

then on top of my dad being a dickhead...my relationship issues hit me in the fucking face. yeah i know i have the same issues alot of other people do. but ill admit this...i do feel like i wont find anyone and that i get treated like shit in relationships. i go to school and do my work like im supose to and sit in the back of the class by myself. i sit in the back of the class in chemistry, algebra, and in wellness i sit alone in the gym. if anyone feels like socializing with me...feel free. but i wont do it usually. im just that way. in art i sit with a senior named becca and tanika. and we usually have our good convos. and we make A's in there and be quiet and do our work. the quiet good kids. hmph never thought i would fall into that category now would you? for some reason thats how it usually is. the metalhead kids are the antisocial ones. isn't that how the media sees it? we are all ourcasts because we dont fit into how the society wants us to be. if the media would have said dressing in black tshirts and spiked hair and bracelets with band names and w/e else is normal...alot would do it and the preppy clothes would be seen as bad...but nope. this turned from relationships to media outlook on us. oh well. back to relaionship issues. i wish i had a g/f that actually cared about me for once. one that gave a damn and treated me well that i didnt have to be paranoid about and who loves me for me. but im gonna quit bitching. i know i dont need to...but im expressing my feelings. so ill go and talk to you all later. my aim screen name is Selkies Marathon.

ok i know i havent updated in a long time and here is a very long entry for those who care about what happens to me. THIS IS LAST MONDAY'S POST THAT I PUT ON MY XANGA.

///Monday Entry///

isn't it weird to find how things work out for you when you least expect it? let me explain what i mean by this. i started at west on tuesday. i didnt really hang out with anyone or anything. i had to sit in the guidance office until like 9 so i didnt see many people all day. well wednesday morning we dont go to class until 9 o'clock. so me and marcus were walking around in the halls and he was introducing me to a bunch of people he knew. and we were walking and he pointed out leah. if any of you dont know...leah went out with jacob in 8th grade. she didnt remember me at first. but then she did. she looks really good now. seriously amazing. it was good to see her. so the rest of the wekk i just kinda hung out and didnt really say much to anyone in the halls. but i sit with tyler at lunch so its all cool. well friday we had our test in wellness and we went back up to the gym with the last half hour of class which we always do just to sit in the gym. i sat there by myself reading my book. and leah came over and said "i noticed you were alone so i figured you needed someone to talk to." so i kept reading my book and talking a bit. but then we had a good convo going and i put my book away. we sat there and talked about personal issues between us because we actually do have alot in common. but anyway. she sat with me at lunch and introduced me to her friend jessica who thought i was cool. and she walked with me to 4th period. i sit in the very back of the class next to the door in 4th period. so i notice about 30 mins or so into class that she walked by and whispered "brandon" outside the door to wave at me. i thought that was really nice. and hate to say but that was the last time i saw her on friday. but she had my phone number and said she would call me over the weekend. i think "well she'll call when she isnt busy." well she called me around 4:30 friday afternoon which was awesome. we talked for a while then i went back to marcus's.

then last night...i was talking to her on the phone again. i forget how i said it but i said "ok leah i need to let you know something." she said ok. i said "i have had you on my mind since lunch yesterday and all day today." and she was kind of amazed to hear it. i felt like an idiot after i did that because i was afraid of what her reaction would be. well she said "aww that is so sweet, are you serious?" i told her yes. then she said "i need to tell you something too." so she told me that since she had first seen me on wednesday that she was attracted to me and she had told all of her friends how much of a big crush on me she had......i swear i am making none of this up. so the person i had a huge crush on since friday...had liked me for 2 days before that which kind of blew my mind. well i asked her out and of course she said yes. because she said if i hadnt have done it....that she was going to ask me out.

so it really blew my mind to hear all this and im really happy right now. you guys really dont know how happy i am right now. i had been miserable for a long time. i hope i dont sound all sappy when i talked about all that. but i talked about it because i am as happy as ever. im going to the mall with her today to see a movie.



///Last Night Entry///


well i am sitting here listening to Alaska. the album...not the song. although the song is very good...i am listening to Backwards Marathon. amazing song in my opinion. masterpiece. between the buried and me have outdone themselves this time. its amazing to see how many amazing sweeping riffs and arpegio riffs they can come up with and make it melodic death metal. i think its awesome that the keyboardist is also the lead singer who has an amazing voice and can go from a death growl to high pitched singing which i think is awesome.

im really happy with our band situation right now. with the exception that we have no bassist. band practice tomorow. im playing currently in C standard which does sound awesome. i am not playing drop anymore because i figured it was time for me to stop doing bar cords and actually start doing real chords and open my mind a little bit. im working on sweep picking right now....very complicated stuff. im trying to be very melodic and open minded about my guitar playing. all i use to do is play and learn cover songs by people. but i really just focus so much on writing my own stuff now and try to open my mind more and get more inspiration from bands like between the buried and me who is my favorite band. yes as i lay dying use to be. but between the buried and me is so much more melodic and open minded. i recommend Alaska to everyone with any interest in hearing different and amazing guitar work. i wish i could play like them. yet i use to wish i could play something like an as i lay dying riff. which i can learn alot of their stuff by ear which i did with confined and meaning in tragedy. i have come along way since my acoustic when i first got it. im trying to get away from doing nothing but speed picking on the E string which is currently a C and just palm muting. but alot of that is in metal playing. my stuff is getting more melodic though. im not trying to sound like im bragging because i know there are plenty of people that can kick my ass royaly on guitar. boomer...you can probably kick my ass on a guitar challenge.

well enough about music. here is what i am really posting to talk about. for those of you that read my last post...i was happy wasn't i? not so happy now though. well if you must know...she broke up with me on wednesday...through a note. i hate that so much. breaking up through a note or through someone else. if you are going to do it...then have the guts to breakup with them to their face. she told me in the note that with all the stuff with her parents and with her grades in school...she doesn't have time for a boyfriend. she explained it to me after lunch on wednesday that she did want to be with me and that she does like me but she can't have a boyfriend right now. what did i do? i believed her. i was stupid enough to believe it. and i guess i believed her because i wanted to. of course you want to think they still like you and that down the road sometime you will be able to date again. well i guess i was wrong. today i had to find out that she broke up with me for another guy. isn't that usually the case? you treat them so amazingly well, so they break up with you for an asshole who might look better than you but will treat them so much worse than you ever would. i have no idea who this guy is...nor do i care. it was not my decision to end the relationship. maybe i got a bit too attached. i really did like leah though and did care for her. i guess she didn't feel the same way about me.

i know i usually bitch and gripe about this stuff way too much but this is one of my only real ways to express my feelings and what is on my mind at the current moment. if anyone cares or if anyone wants to talk at all. my aim S/N is Selkies Marathon. i'm usually always signed online. other than that nothing really going on. i have a good feeling about my grades coming out on monday. not too well about chemistry grade. when i left powell...we had just finished chapter 2 and when i came to west i had a 90 average which is very good i think. then i had to take the chapter 3 test which when i got to west they were pretty much done with chapter 3. therefore i missed out on about 4 pages of notes and a weeks worth of discussion and what did i make on the test?...a 62 F. not surprising to me actually. i asked him why i had to take the test. he told me to study the chapter. well i had no idea how to do any of it. but i did make an effort later on the schedule a time to get help on chapter 3 and my stepdad, greg, told me that if i make an effort to help myself and come home with a D or F average than he won't mind because i tried to get help and tried to study, but it was rather difficult. i understand this new one rather well though. its amazing what happens when you do your work for once. you can get good grades. like a 100 on my notes and 100 on my section review. then pull off 6 100's in algebra which i am happy about since i really did not care about last year. anyway enough about school, music, and my relationships. im just trying to look on the brighter side of things. talk to you guys later.





well for those of you that care what goes on with me...thats what happened. sad isn't it so drop some comments or check out my myspace. www.myspace.com/xonenighatthemoshpitx or my new S/N is Selkies Marathon.

alright alright. i just got home last night. florida kicked ass. i had so much fun. it was so relaxing. i got to read all of the 4th harry potter. im about 300 pages into the fifth one. and my mom got me the sixth one this morning. so i got some reading to do. well here is some info. next year i'm going to florida again. and my parents told me i could bring a friend. and i already know who i'm taking. i'm taking my best friend zack. cuz zack owns. and my sister is planning on bring anna. and we are renting out this SWEET house. like a condo really. its this brand new 3 story house. i went in it and looked around. it kicks so much ass. me and zack would have our own floor. and it isnt a stupid visiting vacation or something. this is a go wherever you want vacation. we can go to the beach whenever we want. all pool access. each bedroom has a full bathroom which kicks ass. (3 bedrooms). we have full pool access 24/7. god this is gonna be so much fun. and i'll probably rent like a scooter like a vespa or something. i will have plenty of money next summer. and we are gonna take 2 cars so its all good. oh by the way anna if you are reading this for the first time. it might seem odd. but heather said she wants to bring you on our vacation. and i wanna bring zack. sooooooo yeah. should be fun. well im gonna go read order of the phoenix and listen to between the buried and me. speaking of which. if anyone has no idea who they are. listen to them. Between The Buried and Me. they are sooooo amazing. i love them. this is probably my longest entry in a while. oh and by the way. im getting a new cell phone when i go home today which will kick ass. because i have been needing one because my one now is shitty and has no antenna cuz it broke. so i dont have a good signal ever. so i'm getting a new phone so feel free to call me on it all you want. please no prank phone calls. i hate those. well anyway i think im gonna go now. peace out guys.

//edit//

well this sucks. my dad said that he would take me to get a new phone today. well he isnt. as far as i know at least he isnt. stupid school clothes are more important. oh well. i just gotta face it. but well im gonna go now.

well i dont update much anymore. sorry to whoever reads my entries. but im going on vacation. im going to my moms tonight. and then saturday morning im going to panama city until august 6th. then ill be back. i wont be on aim. sorry. so there isnt much to really say. i miss my friends. i wanna hang out with people. so while im gone...comment all you want. later.

oh my fucking god. i just got back from the movies. i went to see batman begins. oh my fucking god. i actually didnt want to see it because i knew how much the last 2 movies sucked. because they were so unbelieveably stupid based waaaaaay into the future and it was just stupid. well this one takes place before the original did. so it explains how he becomes batman. its like the comic. the dark knight. which is how its supose to be. i must sound like the biggest nerd. but that movie kicked so much ass. if you havent seen it...do it. it is amazing.

well im kinda depressed. i dont wanna be. here is why. i told anna last night that i liked her. (i had like this small crush on her and i thought it would be something to pursue) well it didnt help. because i just never say anything. but i still love melissa. yea i must sound like an idiot. ive been told that already. i'm not gonna go have a whole breakdown in a convo. but me and anna have been like best friends forever. ive known her for about 8 years. well i thought maybe a relationship would work...it wont. she said she only likes me as a friend and that she realized yesterday that she likes someone. oh well. its not like it has a big effect on me. ive been rejected before, let down, had my hopes up about a relationship...so i'm use to it. it will probably all happen again. i guess me and anna will just stay friends. and i only had a crush on her. but deep down i still love melissa. i just hate being depressed. i really do. i hate not hearing the voice of a girl saying to me before i go to bed "i love you"...and actually meaning it. i miss that feeling that you get when you dont think you could be any happier. idk if what i said about anna and melissa made sense to anyone. but i know it makes perfect sense to me. anna i do not hate you. if that is what you are thinking. but i do not hate you. i think im gonna go to bed. i dont wanna be depressed. it is a terrible feeling. i wish i could control when im gonna be depressed or not. cuz i hate it. later.

sorry i havnt updated. ive been gone for a while. its really early. i thought i would sleep really well last night. well i didnt. i got back from vacation yesterday. i went to florida with zack, his brother, 2 sisters, and his mom. we stayed at his grandparents house in sarasota, fl. we went to the beach like twice....in 7 days. but it was ok because we couldnt swim anyway because of the red tide. so there were dead fish as far as the eye could see in the ocean. then dead fish all over the beach. flies all over the dead fish. the water was shit brown and smelled like ass. i took my cell phone with me...idk why since i had no service on it cuz the phone sucks. well i got home and i turned my phone on. and guess what i saw. 0 text messages, 0 missed calls, 0 voicemails. hmm i wonder why i even have a cell phone if no one bothers to call me. the only person that calls me really is zack. and he use to call my cell but he knows it sucks. i'm really bored right now. someone IM me sometime. my aim S/N is Iscariot Undone. just IM me cuz im unbelieveably bored. or go to my myspace. www.myspace.com/xonenightatthemoshpitx thats mine. just go to it. check out the pics, leave a comment. i dont care. no one really does. i've just got a couple things on my mind lately that have kinda brought me down. and ive been trying to push them away so i wont be down . but it isnt working. so i'm gonna go play guitar. later.

i guess i should start updating more often. i'm pretty much over melissa. we are still friends, but i should just let her live her life...with no interuptions from me. i'll just be her friend like i am to the rest of my friends. umm. i have been at zacks since monday morning (im home now). i got my thumb burned really badly from fireworks, my shirt caught on fire (hole in shirt now), some of my bangs caught on fire...that wasnt fun. but here is the best part about being at zacks. i stayed 2 nights there....and jacob wasnt there either night. he was at brenton's. i didnt want to put up with him. when i first got there and put my stuff in zack and jacobs room...me and zack were playing guitar. jacob was going through my bag. i asked him to get me a cd out...so then he just started going through the rest of my shit and pissed me off. i got a new cd. Unearth (The Oncoming Storm). its awesome. i recomend it if you like metal like i do. ya know, its funny how you like someone, then it kind of dies down and you become friends again. and then for no reason at all...you have the biggest crush on them. i'm talking about anna if you guys are wondering..i think im gonna go back to watching tv. i love my friends for sticking with me forever and helping me. later.

Iscariot Undone-AIM
xonenightatthemoshpitx-Myspace

i dont know what to do really. she is happy with scott. i guess ill just leave her alone. what else is there to do. she is happier with him. i guess me and her just werent meant to be. i dont want to admit that...but its the truth. i wanna be happy so bad and my happiest times were with her. but i guess i cant look forward to those anymore now can i? oh well. the least i can do is still be her friend and be there for support if she needs it. i just want to make all this go back to the way it use to be. but i cant do that. its time for me to move on with my life. idk starting a new chapter in my life i guess. not the way i wanted to start a new one...but ill give it a shot. what do i have to lose. i need more people to talk to and to hang out with. if anyone wants to hang out with me or talk about anything...feel free. its nice to have someone to talk with and say a few nice words once in a while. even tho there are maybe how many? 2-3 people at maximum who read this. so that wont do much good. but still. if you want to just IM me. AsILayDying942. later.

anti-emo beat that.


well. i dont know what to say. melissa won't be back until next monday. she broke up with me temporarily. she wants to be with me when all this blows over with her mom. she wanted me to quit saying
"i love you" on the phone. but how can i stop saying that when that is my strongest feeling. how can i say it and not let her know. she doesnt want me to say i love her, when i love her more than anything. i mean what if there came a time that something happened to her and i didnt get to say i love you one last time. i've never felt this way for anyone else. i dont like comparing myself to other people's b/f's....but i can honestly say that i am better than any of her past b/f's. i think i treat her well. melissa....if you are reading this...i love you more than anything. i dont know what it means for you to hear me say that. but i do. i have never been more depressed than i am right now. to know i dont have a g/f at the moment. to not have someone to talk to at night when i am sad. to not hear something sweet said to you to make you smile when you are sad about something. idk how i can be anti-emo when i sound like this. melissa..i love you and im not mad at you about anything....i swear. i dont hate you, i could never possibly do that. i'll stick by your side no matter what your decision is. i hope you know that. i'll help you in w/e way i can. i love you. i just need to get this out and this is the only way i can. not too many people listen to me. so i give super huge thanks to tori, josh, anna, zack, stephanie, and wade. i dont know where i would be without you guys. thank you so much.

ok im doing a bit better. i couldnt see melissa. but....go look at her lj, i sent her a dozen roses. she put a pic of them on her lj. go see them if you want. she loved them and im glad she did. i miss her alot. i wanna see her. idk what to do right now. i just wanna see her so fucking bad. you know someone needs to come over and chill at my place. tell me if you want to. ok ill talk to you guys later. i love you melissa.